Previous today we had been chiming in on a forum thread about guidelines in polyamorous relationships. As a solamente individual, individual autonomy and duty are very important to any or all areas of my entire life. Therefore IвЂ™m averse to being in relationships where lovers make difficult guidelines to regulate or restrict one another вЂ” that will be a big good reason why main-stream monogamy does not work with me personally.
But We have developed some pretty rules that are important myself.
IвЂ™M WRITING A NOVEL about non-standard ways to relationships.Want to simply help? Simply just just Take this study to talk about your views and experiences of relationships that arenвЂ™t on societyвЂ™s relationship escalator that is standard.
Every one of my rules for myself stem dating a korean guy from my four core values in relationships:
- Shared consideration and respect(exactly how we treat one another)
- Self and autonomy duty (exactly how we each manage ourselves)
- Integrity ( be truthful and walk your talk)
- Joy (because otherwise, whatвЂ™s the point?)
These values give my relationship objectives: items that my group of guidelines collectively seeks to accomplish:
- Preserving integrity: being the type or sort of individual I would like to be.
- Handling danger: maintaining myself safe
- Connecting with other people with techniques which can be significant, deep, and constructive
- Supporting, considering and respecting other people
- Feeling pleased, fulfilled and happy
- Private development: continuing to understand and develop
- Improving my resilience and strength
- Keeping stability and handling anxiety, discomfort and chaos within my life
Before we have into my set of guidelines, I would ike to explain why We have them.
IвЂ™ve discovered, through experience, me be the best person I can be that they help. They assist make sure that we keep residing a life thatвЂ™s beneficial to me, without coming at the cost of other people, which often assists me personally be here better for others if they require me. They assist me find out each time a provided situation or relationship may or might not be a risk that is foolish.
Each one of these guidelines is founded on personal personal knowledge about relationships and life, particularly as a polyamorous and solo person. ThereвЂ™s a ton of faceplants, frustration, heartbreak, mistakes, miscommunication, and missed possibilities behind each one of these guidelines. The whole thing is extremely relevant and personal in my experience вЂ” your mileage, because constantly, can vary.
The answer to these rules is which they affect me personally, never to my partners. Eventually theyвЂ™re about how exactly we make choices regarding how exactly to pursue, conduct, or carry on a relationship.
We donвЂ™t need that my lovers or metamours reside as much as my requirements, or do things my means; but they are wanted by me to comprehend at the start how I make choices about my relationships. ThatвЂ™s only reasonable.
These guidelines use whether or perhaps not IвЂ™m in an important relationship. And so they help me to makeвЂ” that is sure i really do begin to enter into relationships that include significant assets of feeling, time, logistical factors, etc. вЂ” why these connections stay an excellent possibility of being mutually useful rather than unduly high-risk or aggravating.
Therefore: they are my guidelines just; your mileage may differ. We offer these as one example associated with the types of individual guidelines or requirements that could be helpful for anybody вЂ” but particularly for solamente individuals, and particularly for solamente poly individuals.
AggieвЂ™s guidelines for Aggie:
- Respect and consideration. We donвЂ™t keep connections with individuals whom treat me personally inconsiderately or disrespectfully, or whom suggest an obvious willingness or tendency to do this. If individuals repeat this, IвЂ™ll inform them it is an issue. IвЂ™ll probably give them a few possibilities so long as theyвЂ™re perhaps perhaps not egregiously rude. However, if a negative pattern (deliberate or otherwise not) emerges inside their behavior, IвЂ™ll distance myself. Likewise, we attempt to always respect and start thinking about my lovers and metamours. Me what they need, I try to listen, negotiate and give them what I can (or be honest if I canвЂ™t) when they tell.